Getting Home Wednesday
by Patch Monkey
Summary: Originally published between 1999 and 2002, this story is a AMG and Ranma crossover work. I welcome authors who would like to continue it. There are seven existing chapters. Synopsis: Nodoka and Genma make competing wishes...and Ranma receives the result.
1. Foreward: Nodoka's June

**To Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.  
-patchmonkey**

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

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Getting Home Wednesday

Foreword: Nodoka's June

Originally published to the FFML between 1999 and 2002.

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In her younger days, Nodoka, the current Mrs. Saotome, was known as a beautiful, honorable young lady with a heart of gold. She would give of herself to let others succeed, even if it meant that she might not get to do what she wished to do.

She grew up, and met her love, one Genma Saotome, of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. And it was good, and she was happy,  
except that she always worried about his abilities to raise a son, even before their son, Ranma, was conceived.

So, when Ranma was five, and Genma and he left upon a training trip that was to last ten years, she cried. Not for loss of a son, but in hopes that he would be what Genma had promised he would be.

Life always was funny like that.  
--------------

The sun shined on Tokyo on a June day in 1991, as an auburn headed Japanese woman in traditional garb walked through the park. Her eyes were reddened (as though by tears) and people would later remark that she carried herself with slightly less aplomb than usual. The woman sat upon a park bench and gazed longingly at the children in the playground near the center of the park.

"Ah, children...," thought Nodoka. "My child...I hope that he is well."

"Pardon me. Is this seat taken?" asked a young girl, who looked to be about seven years old.

"Oh, not, not at all. Have a seat, young lady."

"Thank you."

The young lady and the woman sat in silence for several minutes, as the young lady intently studied the woman's features, while the woman continued to watch the children play.

"So, child, where are you from? You don't seem to be Japanese. But I must say, you are quite good at speaking the language."

"I'm from Asgard...Norway, I mean. My sisters and I came here on a trip to Japan because our father works all over the world, and we might be spending some time over here someday soon."

"I see. Oh, I forgot my manners, young lady. My name is Nodoka Saotome."

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Saotome. My name is Skuld."

"Well, it is my pleasure, Skuld."

"Can I ask you a question?" Skuld began, stopping for a gesture to continue, "Mrs. Saotome, do you have any children?"

"A...a son."

"Is he out there? In the playground, I mean?"

"No, no he isn't. I haven't seen him in over a year now."

"Oh," Skuld paused, thinking about this. "Have you seen him out then?"

Nodoka chuckled. "No, child, no. His father and he went on a training trip to make him a man among men. My son, Ranma, will be the heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

"Wow!" exclaimed Skuld, her eyes widening at the name of the school. "What does that mean?"

"It means that his father is teaching him, so that when he grows up, as a man among men, he can keep the school and family alive."

"Coooool."

"I just hope...I wish that Ranma would be above any other man...that he'd be the best he could be."

"You do? You must really love him."

"Yes, I do. You're a very precocious young lady, you know."

"Thanks, Mrs. Saotome!"

"SKULD! IT'S TIME TO GO!" yelled a voice from across the park.

"Uh-oh. That's my big sister Urd. Mrs. Saotome, I promise that someday he will be, and I'll come visit you then. Bye!" shouted Skuld as she scrambled off, her body glowing slightly.

Nodoka just chalked that last statement up to childhood innocence, and the glowing up to the warmth of the sun. She stood up, and her back seemed to straighten and a small smile came across her lips.

---------------------------  
Belldandy sat in her office in Asgard, looking over the files of people who were to be granted wishes during the week on Earth.

"Rosen, Rubini, Rzazao, Saotome, Schwartz...wait, Saotome's done. But that wasn't supposed to happen until later on today. Sister!"

"Yeah, Bell?"

"Did you take care of Nodoka Saotome?"

"Who?"

"I guess that's a no."

"So, what's wrong? She got her wish, right?"

Belldandy looked up at Urd. "Yeah, but it says that it was granted by the Goddess Relief Office. Not the Earth Relief Office, or that other office. By one of us."

"So, whose name is on the file as the granter?"

"Let me check, sister...oh, my."

"Oh my? There's an Oh My in this office?"

"No. The granter is named as.Skuld."

"Oh, my," concluded Urd.


	2. Exordium Genma's Friend

**To FF . Net Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.**

**-patchmonkey**

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

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Getting Home Wednesday

Exordium: Genma's Friend

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The fact was, Genma believed that his son was going to be greater than him in the Art one day, and he was proud of that. Of course, that didn't stop him from trying harder. Not much could actually stop Genma at this point, save for food or possibly Happosai, who thankfully, was buried under a whole bunch of rubble.

The boy had been acting strangely lately, he thought, ever since June, he had seemed much calmer and in tune with his emotions. His ability in the art had grown by leaps and bounds, and he supposed it was the new, calmer nature of the boy that did it. He had heard that many of the greatest masters could display that sort of control, and if it made Ranma better, terrific! Nodoka would surely think that he fulfilled the contract when Ranma and he returned.

Now if he could only get him to leave without that Ukyo girl, but it looked like it was going to be more trouble than he first thought.

"So, Ranma, which do you like more? Okonomiyaki or Ukyo?" asked Genma.

Ranma looked up from where he was practicing a new kata that involved elements of Ukyo's style. It was a melding of both Arts, but one that took the greatest strengths of both to create a stronger form. "Well, pops, is there really any choice? I've been thinking about that since you asked me yesterday, and I choose Ucchan. She's really a good cook, and I like Okonomiyaki too," replied Ranma.

"You knew she was a girl, boy? I thought you thought she was a boy!"

"How could I think that? I can feel her aura is that of a girl."

Genma groaned. He forgot about the other talents Ranma had been displaying.

"Very well then, boy. We leave tomorrow, you, me, and Ukyo."

"Yippee! I'm gonna go tell her now...and I'm awfully hungry too!"

Things were not at all going to plan, but now Genma had a chance to train two youngsters in the Art. _It can't be that bad, Genma. At least the master is still sealed in that cave, and the boy still respects you! You're the man!_

_---------------------- _

Marller walked around the small village, bored out of her mind. "Swell. Stuck here, on Midgard, with nothing to do, and no place to go, since I haveto find this moron and convince him that he gets a wish. Whoopteedoo," she mumbled to herself.

Boredom never lasts too long when you involve Ranma, his dad, and his adopted sister.

"Boy, you must learn the Neko-ken! How can you ever expect to become a true martial artist without suffering for the art! Now get back in there, and make sure those cats teach you something this time!"

"Pops, it ain't my fault that they won't attack me! Every time, they just sit there, and the old one comes over, licks me, and slowly peels all the fish sausage off me. It's just like they won't attack."

"Well, figure it out and learn the Neko-ken now, boy!"

"Old man, are you sure that's a good idea? What if the cats try and get him this time?" queried Ukyo.

"Shush."

Ranma went back in, and the cats just stared at him. Then, just as every previous time, the leader, a white cat with a tint of goldish fur on his face, would cheerfully peel the fish sausage off, meow, and bring it back to the other cats. Not at all interesting, unless you count the fact that the cats recognized divinity.

"Hey. You, in the gi. What in hell's your name?" asked the leather-clad blonde girl as she approached Genma.

"Genma Saotome, Master of the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts. Can you leave us alone? This is a very delicate training exercise."

"You're Genma? Great. I'll just wait here till you're done. What is it you're doing, anyway?"

"I'm trying to teach my son the Neko-ken, but the stupid cats never attack him."

"Wow. He really does deserve a demonic wish," thought Mahler.

"Anyway, look here. I'm sure this is all fascinating for all involved, but I'm here to tell you that my people have granted you a wish. Whatever you want. No strings attached. No worries, just wish for whatever the hell you want, and it's yours!"

"Um..."

"Oh, so you want credentials. Name's Mahler. Demoness Second Class, Limited. So you got a wish yet?"

"This doesn't involve me going to any of the Hells, or losing my soul, does it?" asked Genma.

"Genma, you got nothin' to worry about there," chuckled Mahler.

"Hmm...fine. I got one. I wish that Ranma would be above any other man...that he'd be the best he could be, so that Nodoka doesn't follow through with that contract."

"Great. That's a great wish. You're a real nice guy there, Genma," intoned Mahler as the wind began to pick up and leaves swirled around the two of them. Well, I'll be going now. Enjoy your wish, have fun with your kids, and keep robbing shrines. Later!"

Genma just kept looking for the hidden camera in the woods.

Ranma began screaming.

The boy's finally learning the Neko-ken! Yes! thought Genma, as Ukyo ran over.

"Hey, old man, what does it mean when it says that whomever learns this technique goes insane?"

"Uh..."

Meanwhile, inside the pit, a young boy was frightened by the sudden change in the cats attitude. Even more frightening to him was the fact that he could now understand the lead cat.

"What arrrrre you, not-human-god-demon? You werrrren't like this before...now you arrre differrrent."

"I don't know. Why can you guys all of a sudden talk to me?"

"We could beforrre, not-human-god-demon. You just didn't listen. Why arrre you herrre?"

"My pop's making me the worlds best martial artist. I'm trying to learn the Neko-ken so I can become the greatest!"

All the cats turned to face Ranma. "The Neko-ken, not-human-god-demon? Does he not know of the dangerrrs?" asked the leader.

"He always says that we must face great dangers for the Art."

"Yourrrr fatherrr is an idiot, not-human-god-demon. The Neko-ken will drrrive any who learrrrrn it imprrrroperrrrly insane, and we arrre not permitted to teach it to you. Come closer to me, and I will marrrk you with the cat's sign. One day, though you do not need it, the Lady might seek you now that you will be marked."

The cat clawed a v-shaped mark into Ranma's left hand, and Ranma screamed.

"Quiet, not-human-god-demon! You arrrrre not hurrrrrt, it is in your mind!" scolded the white cat with gold markings.

"You surrre? Huh? Why'd that happen?"

"Don't worrrry, not-human-god-demon. It's a little trrrick on yourrrr fatherrrr. He'll think you learned the Neko-ken. It will go away in a turrrrning of the Earrrth. You should leave now. We might meet again, not-human-god-demon."

"'Bye, cat."

_(End Exordium, Version 1.0.)_


	3. Fit the First: Godot

**To FF . Net Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.**

**-patchmonkey**

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

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Getting Home Wednesday

Fit the First: Godot

"Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But she is  
mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times." - Principia Discordia

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If one was willing to brave the heat, and if one were to look at a small empty lot near the house of one Ryoga Hibiki on a hot summer day in early August, one would see a fascinating sight. Not wild pink elephants, but a young man and a young girl. The young girl was wearing a purple shirt, with black tights on her legs and a staff on her back while she sat on the ground, a spatula at her side, fiddling with a grill. Anyone who saw her would correctly assume that she was some sort of cook, most likely of okonomiyaki. The young man, on the other hand, had much more intriguing appearance. His black hair was tinged with blonde, pulled back very tightly into a pigtail, and if one was to pay closer attention to the hair, one would notice that it seemed to alternate between straight and curly. The outfit he wore seemed to be a conglomeration of styles, merged into one that looked correct, as though they were always one. On his feet were black slipper-boots that were held together by straps, ending halfway to each knee in three separate belts. For pants, he wore dark-colored loose jeans, each leg of which disappeared into the top of the boots. His shirt was white silk but one could only see the sections that were not covered by a dark red many pocketed jacket, and perched above his forehead sat a pair of flying goggles. The young man looked over at his partner.

"Ucchan, where is he? That compass I made him should be able to lead him wherever he needs to go!"

"Well, Ranchan, he did promise that he would come. This duel is his idea!"

"Yeah, he's sure to be here any minute. He's sure to be here any minute."

"Then all we have to do is wait on here."

Where herewas an empty lot behind Ryoga's house. That didn't make it any easier for Ryoga to find it at any rate, even with the compass Ranma had made for him. It wasn't that it didn't work correctly...no, it was the fact that Ryoga's lack of direction countered almost all the benefits that the compass had.

"I'm still impressed that he can't find his way here," remarked Ranma.

"All he has to do is think about where he's going, and that compass will get him there. Of course, that directional curse is pretty impressive."

It was then that Ryoga appeared. "Ranma! I'm here! We can have our battle!"

"Ryoga! What took you so long? We've been waiting almost an hour!" exclaimed Ukyo.

"Um...well, you see, Uyko, I sortacouldn'tfindthecompassandlost the door to my bathroom."

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Did you find the compass, lost one? I thought you were keeping it around your neck?"

"I am keeping it around my neck, Ranma! I forgot, alright!"

"Fine. Anyway, Ukyo's gonna officiate, so you wanna get started?"

"Sure. I'll beat you today, Ranma!"

Ryoga placed the compass on the ground, and found a spot ten feet away from Ranma. The two boys assumed a fighting stance, and Ukyo signaled for them to begin. Ranma assumed a relaxed stance, and waited for Ryoga to charge. Ryoga did, and Ranma quickly leapt out of the way.

"Too slow, Ryoga. How do you expect to hit me when you make a turtle look fast?"

"Shut up, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga as he backed off, and reconsidered his options. A smirk appeared on Ryoga's face. "Try this then."

And with that, Ryoga moved in a zigzag towards Ranma who was moving in towards Ryoga at the same time. Ryoga's fist lashed out at Ranma's face as Ranma's foot hit his head.

Both boys fell to the ground. "Man, that was anti-climatic," intoned Ukyo, looking at the two boys on the ground.

"Ouch. Hey, Ryoga, looks like you got a little better."

"Yeah...this compass makes it easier for me to find my way to my teacher. He said I was to straightforward in my attacks."

"Hmm...well, y'know what, next time we fight, maybe we'll have a real winner. Ukyo and me gotta head home. Pops said we're leaving soon, so we've got to pack. We'll come back someday, right, Ucchan?"

"Right, Ranchan," spoke Ukyo, as she ran up to give Ryoga a hug. "See ya, Ryoga!"

"Have a good trip, guys! Thanks again for the compass!"

With that, Ranma and Ukyo headed home. Ryoga headed back toward his house, but something seemed different.

"Were there always this many restaurants here? Where's that compass?

It's right...back...in...that field behind my house! Ranma, where am I now!

This has gotta be someone's fault!"

As the warm sun began to burn away the mist that hung over the current residence of Genma Saotome, Ranma Saotome, and Ukyo Kounji, three figures began readying their leave of that place.

"So, where're we off to now, pop?"

"Yeah. Where are we going next? Ranchan and I were just getting used to settling down and making friends."

"Well," said Genma, "settling down and friends must be put aside for the Art! As the heir to the Anything Goes school, Ranma must be able to leave on a moments notice, leaving all he holds dear if it means to better the art!"

"So I could go and leave you?" queried Ranma.

"No," informed Genma.

"Okay...So, where're we headed anyway, pop?"

"We're going to China to study at some ancient training grounds."

"How are we getting there?" wondered Ukyo.

"Swimming, of course!"

"Of course," moaned Ranma and Ukyo together.

_(Some Time Later)_

Had anyone been near a distinct point on the shores near the Chinese city of Lianyungang, they would have been most surprised as three people dragged themselves ashore.

"Pops, that has gotta be the stupidest thing we've ever done. Who swims across the East China Sea?"

"Hush, boy. It was all for the Art!"

"Ranchan, it'll take me weeks to clean off my grill! Waaaah!"

"Um...it'll be okay, Ucchan," Ranma reassured his friend. "So, Pops, where're we off too now?"

Genma straightened up, and looked towards the horizon. "Well, we're off to the ramen stand over that way!"

Ranma and Ukyo found themselves agreeing with the elder Saotome. Food sure was a good idea.

" Guides to China's Most Secret Training Grounds! Get one here!

Please? Pretty please? " came a voice next to the ramen stand. Ranma and Ukyo had been given a few minutes to explore the local city, while Genma figured out where they would go next.

His ears perked up at that call, however. " I'll take one! " shouted the martial artist. " Training ground guide, no?"

" Yes sir. China's top top top secret training grounds, like the Cave of the Dragon's Fist, the Tall Mount of the Tiger Child, The House of Zen..."

" Me take one, " interjected Genma. "How much? "

The raggedly dressed short man who had a horrid odor emanating from his body holding the guide held up five fingers. " Two, " he said.

Genma reached into his pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins.

Counting two, he handed them to the man, and began giggling wildly as the short man scurried off, happy. Turning around, he saw Ranma and Ukyo standing behind him.

"Yo, Pops. Whatcha got there?"

"Boy, this is a guide to the great martial arts sites in China. Why, there's sites in here that no martial artist should ever miss! Here's one called The House of the Moon Fox. A errant breeze blew the page over. Hmm...this one is called Jusenkyo. That looks good, and like it'll be a nice hike."

"Genma, you think we might be able to learn some secret techniques there?"

"Well, Ukyo, sure! Any place with a name like that has to have something worthwhile. It'll be a change for all of us. Let's go!"

Genma didn't realize that the Qinghai province was about one thousand two hundred and fifty miles from where they were.

_(Sixty-two or so days later)_

"Ah, welcome to the Training Ground of Jusenkyo, honored customers. I am pleased you have chosen to come here," began a chubby man in Mao era clothing.

"Yes, yes, of course. Boy, Ukyo, get up on those poles and we'll begin training."

"Pop, I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Very bad you fall in springs, Mister Customer! Boy is right!"

"Pop, I think it's a very bad idea, actually. This place feels strange, like there's a darkness hanging over every pool," Ranma amended. "Maybe we should listen to the guide."

"Boy, stop acting like a girl!"

Ukyo glared, readying her staff. "Genma, are you saying girls are weak?"

"That is, I mean...fight, boy, now!"

"Very well, Pop. I'll fight you. Ucchan, you coming?"

"Sure!"

"No! Customers, stop! Very bad if you fall in cursed springs!"

And so, a fight began, only to be interrupted by a well placed dual attack on Genma by Ranma and Ukyo. Genma lost his balance, and fell.

"Oh, no! Big Mr. Customer fall in Spring of Drowned Panda!

Two-thousand years ago, very tragic story of Panda that drowned there. Now anyone who falls in spring take form of panda!"

"Ranchan, did you hear that?"

"Hear what, Ucchan?"

"Growf," said a giant panda as it leapt out of the pool Genma fell into.

"Oh, how nice. A giant panda," Ranma mused aloud.

"Growf!" interjected the Panda as it knocked the two young people to the pool below.

"Ranchan, I think that is your faaaathhhher!"

"Ucchan, Pop is an idiot, isn't heeeee?" queried Ranma at the same time.

"Oh no! Young Mister and Miss Customer fall into Spring of Drowned Girl! Miss Customer not be too affected, but young Mister Customer turn into...turn into...that never happen before. Never seen tattoos on face after falling in. Miss Customer not have tattoos. Miss Customer?"

Ukyo was happily smiling. "Wow, you should sell this water. I've gotta be a whole size bigger! Um, yeah?"

Ranma looked down at his new body, which happened to that of a buxom young woman and began glowing black. Her hair, which was black with slight tinges of blonde in male fore was now a wild mix of deepest black and light blonde, and, interestingly enough, was currently whipping around her head as though wind was blowing.

"Pop, I am not happy right now. I told you this was a bad idea, and you didn't listen. Now you're a panda, I'm a girl, and Ukyo...well, Ukyo's really happy. But I'm not! THUNDERBOLT!"

A bolt of black lightning flew from Ranma's hands and connected with her father. Genma, not being faster than lightning, bore the full brunt of the blast, and a charred panda now sat where a clean panda was before.

"Cool," muttered Ranma before he passed out.

No one even noticed the boy who fell in one of the pools towards the back.

"Mister Customers awake now? Curse not so bad, you turn back to human male with hot water. Cold water turn you to panda and girl again."

"Errggg," replied Genma.

"Well, you deserved it. Taking us to a place like this, and not even listening to me. I wonder how I did that lightning thing anyway. So, Guide, is there anyone around here who might know how to get rid of these curses?"

"I like mine, Ranchan! 'Oh, poor Ukyo,' they said. 'Looks like a boy.

I feel so sorry for her,' they said. Well, who's laughing now! Oh, and you're kinda cute as a girl."

"Ucchan...Fine. Is there anyone around here who might tell us how to get rid of Pop's and my curses?"

"There a village of women warriors to the north. I shall take you there, yes?"

"Sure. Lets go there then."

_(End Fit the First)_


	4. Interlude: Meiosis

**To FF . Net Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.**

**-patchmonkey**

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

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Getting Home Wednesday

Interlude the First: Meiosis

"There is Serenity in Chaos. Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane."

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I looked around the little hut, trying to make some sense of the situation, and making sure that there was no one within aside from you and me. Three-hundred years is enough time to make anyone a little paranoid.

You had burst into my home a short while ago, enraged.

"So," you asked, "how did my daughter, your great-granddaughter, acquire this curse I heard of upon my return to the village? Elder Cologne, grandmother, I implore you to tell me!"

There was no way around telling you, I decided. Even though I wished not to, I chose to explain. "Very well. You know Gel's son, Mousse, of course?"

"The foolish child who always chases my Shampoo around?"

"The same. He practices that Hidden Weapon style. Well, somehow, he convinced Shampoo to watch him practice down at Jusenkyo."

"If he pushed her in, I will flay him alive."

"Calm yourself, young one! It was not his fault, grandchild."

"No? Pray, do continue."

I gathered my thoughts and carried on. "Despite the well known warnings, they went there anyway. The day they chose to go was a very unfortunate one, however."

"Obviously."

I ignored your sarcasm. "The Musk picked that day to check on the pools..."

"And..."

"And when Shampoo and Mousse chose to hide, the ignored all their warnings and jumped in the pools. And, lo, they escaped, but with a price."

"And that price is the curses I have been told of?"

I nodded slowly, and waited for you to ask the important question. "Pray tell, what does that Mousse turn into?"

"A duck," I said, and anticipating your next question, I spoke quickly.

"And no, I have no idea how a duck can drown."

"Elder Cologne, what form does my daughter take?"

"Why don't you see for yourself, grandchild." I whistled, and a sleek animal form quickly took a seat on the table in front of me. "Grandchild, I think that an Ocelot is a perfectly delightful form, and Shampoo's royal purple coloring makes for a distinct form. You should be proud, she could have fallen in a much worse spring."

And that was that, grandchild.

(End Interlude)


	5. Fit the Second: Sigil

**To FF . Net Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.**

-patchmonkey

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

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Getting Home Wednesday

Fit the Second: Sigil

" Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit. 'Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost.' "

-------------------------------------------------------------------

In a small shrine not too far from the campus of Nekomi Technical Institute, which is one of the many fine learning institutions that pepper the Japanese cityscapes, there lies a quaint little temple. Inside this temple lives a meek, insecure student, his girlfriend, apparently a foreign girl, her sisters, one older and one younger, and a small, happy, hard-working robot. The two sisters, one platinum-haired and the other raven-haired had already started the day in their natural peaceful manner, as they would both hate to disrupt the serenity of the house.

"Listen, squirt. I'm not in any mood to put up with you today. I had a real bad night," began the elder. "I don't need you to be bugging me right now."

"Don't call me squirt, you hag! Urd, you're so mean!" replied the younger.

A voice came from the kitchen. "Keiichi! Urd! Skuld! Breakfast!"

"Coming Belldandy!" chorused 3 voices at once.

A few minutes later, the more organic members of the household were munching away on the breakfast that the girlfriend had prepared.

"Bell, this was wonderful! You make the best breakfasts."

"Thank you, Keiichi. That's sweet of you to say."

It was then that the three ladies fell to the floor and the man jumped to catch the one he loved.

Several thousand miles away, the intrepid party of Ranma, Ukyo, and Panda followed the guide to a village.

"What's this place we're heading to anyway? Women warriors? Like Amazons or something?" queried Ranma.

The guide had a surprised look on his face. "Young sir know of Amazons already? We heading to Amazon village."

"Ranchan, I'm so glad we went to Jusenkyo!"

"Right, Ucchan. Pop, I'm still not happy."

"Anyway, Sirs and Miss, today very special day. Today day of annual women's tournament! Few outsiders ever see."

Ranma's and Ukyo's faces perked up. "A tournament?" he asked. "Think they'll let us participate?"

"That's a bad idea, Mister Customer. Very bad you or Miss Customer win. Oh, look, we are here. Here Juketsuzoku, Village of Amazons. Have seat. Watch."

Back at the temple, Keiichi was finishing laying washcloths across the three goddess's heads. "Well, that was nice. At least it wasn't a space-time anomaly. I don't think I could deal with that."

He paused, considering what he just said. "I refuse to believe that I just said that."

Sitting down, he saw that the three had begun to stir and wake up.

"Bell! Are you all right?"

"Yes...no...Oh dear," spoke Belldandy. "That felt like..."

"An unauthorized usage of the ultimate force by a non-aligned being," Skuld finished.

Concluded Urd, "Wow...did someone get the number of that bottle? We gotta get more of that sake, Keiichi."

It should suffice to say that the temple's telephone began to ring, and Keiichi thought that this would be a perfect time to visit Australia. Or cower in the bathroom. Either one seemed acceptable.

Urd walked over to the phone. "Hello?"

"You don't say?"

"You don't say?"

Urd hung up the phone. "Who was that?" asked Skuld.

"I dunno. He didn't say."

Keiichi groaned. The phone began to ring again. "I'll get it this time, Sister," spoke Belldandy.

"Hello?"

"Yes, Father."

"I understand."

"Oh my."

"Very well. Goodbye, Father."

"What was that all about, big sister?" enquired Skuld.

"It appears that we'll be having some interesting company soon. You'll like the company a lot!"

"Oh! I better clean up Banpei then. Later!"

"Do I really want to know who's coming, Bell?" queried Keiichi.

Methodically, the guide began speaking. "This Amazon women's village. They might know more about your curses."

Ukyo grinned. "Do they know how to lock me in this form?"

"Ah! Look! They are starting!"

"Growf?"

"Shut up, pop."

In this quaint little village, there exists a square. Normally, this square had naught but a few children playing in it, or practising their less lethal weapons. Today, however, was vastly different. A log had been suspended in the air from two strong oaken posts set securely into the ground. Upon this log were two young women, approximately (to Ranma's trained eyes) the same height. One, with red hair, fought with a sword, the other, with purple hair used two rounded clubs that looked most unwieldy.

"I have to admit, though, that she uses those things pretty well," thought Ranma. Then he noticed Ukyo's expression. "Ucchan, what's wrong?"

"She's bigger than me! Waaaah!"

"Ucchan, you're very pretty. Please stop crying." Please god, let this work, he thought.

"You think so? Really? Thanks, Ranchan!"

Ranma looked up into the sky. Thank you, he mused.

"Hey! You! Silly dressed male! You with wear lots of black and leather belts! Shampoo give you pain!" The purple-haired girl began stalking towards the group. "Why you let your panda eat Shampoo's prize?"

"I'm not silly dressed. I'm not into the pain thing, really...and what panda? We don't have a panda. The only people here are me, Ukyo, the Guide, and Pop...who turns into a panda. Damn it, Pop!"

"Growf?"

"I challenge you, outsider male! You no offend Shampoo!"

"POP!"

"Ranchan!"

"Fine. This'll only take a little bit."

Murmurs quickly spread around the surrounding Amazons. The new champion had just challenged an outsider male, and he apparently had insulted her afterwards. The male and Shampoo approached the log, and jumped upon it.

"You know, I'm really sorry about my Pop. He's just too interested in keeping himself fed, and now he has all that extra panda blubber..."

"Hush! Fight Shampoo! Now!" yelled Shampoo as she swung her bonborri at Ranma.

Ranma leapt out of the way. "Well, that's not very nice. Anyway, me and pop and Ucchan came here to find out if there was any cures for that Jusenkyo place over there."

Shampoo charged, and went for an overhead strike, but Ranma was already gone. "And so that guide told us to come over here and talk to an elder."

"Shut up, male!"

The village was abuzz. The male the champion had challenged was acting as though nothing was going on, and attempting to carry on a conversation with her. That sort of thing had never happened before!

"But it looks like you're too interested in fightin' to have a conversation. Oh well," he said, looking over at Shampoo. "Mind if I borrow those?" asked Ranma as he deftly caught her bonborri and flipped it out of her grasp with simple ease as his countenance darkened and appeared to focus.

"How you steal Shampoo Bonborri?"

"You left an opening. And an opening is a very bad thing. You see, you leave an opening, I take your weapons. I take your weapons, and, as you are aweapons user, you're off balance. If you're off balance," he spoke as he kicked Shampoo off the log, "I kick you off the log, and you lose. Good match, by the way. That was fun," he added, as he leapt to the ground. Ranma leaned down to offer his hand to the purple-haired girl, ignoring the guide's warding gestures. She grabbed his hand, and pulled him to the ground, embracing him in that same moment.

"Hey! Wha? Stop! Donmmmmph! Mmmpphhh! Mmmmm..."

Just as suddenly, she released him. "Wo ai ni, Arien."

Ukyo perked up at that. Turning to the guide, she spoke. "Please tell me that doesn't mean what it looks like it means...and sounds like."

"Oh, Miss Customer very perceptive, no? Village champion just declare love for young Mr. Customer."

"Thank you. That's exactly what I wanted to hear," replied Ukyo with sarcasm.

Ranma, on the other hand, simply lay there on the ground, gasping for air. A second later, the air was rushing around him, as a panda grabbed him and Ukyo and began to high-tail it out of the village, dropping a small piece of paper on the way. A small woman on a stick hopped over, and picked it up.

The purple-haired girl walked over to the tiny woman. "Great Grandmother see that?"

"Yes. Well, great granddaughter, he certainly seems like a fine catch. And you can speak in Chinese, child." spoke the elderly lady in her native tounge.

"Aiyah. How are we going to catch him? His kiss...was...naughty and nice at the same time. That male was very powerful," continued Shampoo, switching to Chinese.

"In the morning, we shall go after them. It is more fun to hunt them down, anyway. I want to take a look at the boy as well."

"How do we know where he has gone?"

"Normally, you would have to track him down. But it appears that they have indeed been to Jusenkyo. The panda attempted to shove this in his pockets as he ran off," explained the woman as she showed the piece of paper to Shampoo.

"But pandas don't have pockets..."

"Exactly, great granddaughter."

Had either the old woman or Shampoo bothered to look around at this point, they would have noticed that several other of the young women were inching closer to where they stood. However, they did not.

"So, what does it say?"

" 'Tendo,' it begins, 'Bringing Ranma and his bond-sister. Be there soon.' It's addressed to the Tendo Dojo, in the Nerima district of Tokyo in Japan. We shall leave in the morning, and you will bring him back. You don't want to go to Jusenkyo again, do you?"

"No, great-grandmother."

"Very well. Go home, and prepare for the journey."

Needless to say, several other young women and one young man began making preparations as well.

(End Fit The Second)


	6. Fit the Third: Matriculation

To FF . Net Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.

-patchmonkey

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

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Getting Home Wednesday

Fit the Third: Matriculation

"And the night was over, and the day began..."

---------------------------------------------------

"Where are we now?" asked Ranma, as she turned to the giant panda next to her. "This is all your fault, Pops. Now I'm gonna have to pull out the GPS system I made, again. Why'd we have to run so quickly anyway? We could have stopped to at least find out where we were before darkness fell. Anyway, it was just a kiss. Not like I was gettin' married or nothin'."

She flicked her wrist, and several baubles flew out of a tiny latch in her watch, reflecting the light of the moon momentarily before shimmering into incandescence themselves. "And now I'm wet, and a girl, and my hair is more multicolored than usual, and my Pop's a panda," she began muttering. "You'd have thought a guy with a water-changing curse could at least be smart enough to avoid some of the puddles. But no, Mr. I'm A Giant Panda ran through every single one he could find."

"Ranchan? Are you alright?" queried a voice from the other site of their hastily made camp.

Ranma paused for a second, and looked over in the direction of the voice.

"Yeah, Ucchan, I'm fine. Can you make us a fire?"

"Sure thing, Ranchan! Already working on it. Just one question."

"Shoot."

"Do you have a lighter?"

With a fire finally safely roaring in a small pit, Ranma sifted through her pack. "Where'd I put that thing? Thermos, pots and pans, - Hey, Ucchan, can you fill this with water and put it on the fire? - toolkit, collapsible mercury weighted katana, lock of cat's hair, picture of my mother, sewing kit, compression rifle - Where the heck did I put it? - Aha! The Ranma GPS 2001!"

Hearing footsteps approaching, she looked up from her search. "Oh, Ucchan, you're back. Could you heat that so that me and Pops can change back?" She spoke, walking towards the centre of their camp.

"No prob, Ranchan. I'm gonna get some dinner started too, if you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?"

Genma, still stuck as a panda, looked up. "Growf?"

"Yeah, you can have some too, old man. I feel generous," she replied, not even looking up from her grill.

"Yo, Pop!" yelled Ranma, as she wrote down figures on a pad. "Looks like you ran in the right direction. There's an airport about fifteen clicks that way, an' we can afford to fly back."

The panda crossed his front arms and shook his head. "Growf. Growf growf, growf growf growf," he growfed, as the two girls paused to look at him. Then, Ukyo, deciding the water was hot enough, dumped the contents on his head.

"Ouch!" exclaimed the newly reformed and wet Genma. "It needn't be that hot, girl! And we will swim back. It's good for your training."

The two girls glanced at each other, and replied simultaneously, "Over my dead body."

"Oops...here you go, Ranchan," spoke Ukyo, pouring the remaining water on the shorter girl's head.

"Thanks, Ucchan. And Pops, there ain't no way in Hell we're swimming back.

You can swim," he began, his eyes glinting a devilish red for a moment, "but me an' Ucchan are flying back. By the way, you know they feed you on planes, right, Pop?"

"Ah? Well, boy, I've come to a decision. We will fly back! Now," he spoke, patting himself down, "Where did I put that postcard? Boy, did I give it to you?"

Ranma, scratching his blonde tinged black hair, tilted his head in thought.

"Nope. Sorry, Pop."

"Girl?"

"Not a chance, old man," replied the girl in question.

"Very well then! It shall be a surprise for old Tendo!"

"What will, Pop?"

The older man faltered for a second. "Why, our showing up of course! Tendo and I haven't seen each other since we parted ways so many years ago!"

"Riiiight," responded the two teenagers, absolutely sure that there was more to that story.

Meanwhile, back at the Amazon village, two women made preparations for a long trip to the Japanese islands.

"Great-grandmother, I am prepared for the trip," announced the much younger purple-tressed lady.

"Please speak Japanese, Shampoo. You must practice for your future husband!" explained the shorter, older, more troll-like woman.

"Very well...Great-grandmother Cologne. Shampoo practice for airen."

"Husband, Shampoo," replied Cologne. "Not 'airen'."

"But Shampoo like sound of airen more. Confusing to Japanese people. They think it is like soup or something. Then, while confused, Shampoo can grab airen and go 'wo ai ni' and kiss him morely and me and airen make many many strong Amazon babies!"

Groaning, Cologne responded "More, not morely, Shampoo."

Ignoring that totally, Shampoo looked back to her great-grandmother with hearts in her eyes. "We leave now, great-grandmother?"

Cologne sighed. "Yes, Shampoo. GUIDE!"

The portly Jusenkyo Guide toddled over. "Oh, hello honored matriarch! Why we speaking Japanese?"

"Never you mind that. Is the flying bird contraption ready?"

"Yes, honored matriarch. Please, right this way."

The guide led the two Amazons to what appeared to be a giant duck with many balloons suspended from strings above it as several men finished leashing many smaller living ducks to the giant duck. Those live ducks began quacking wildly as the final leashes bound them to the great duck.

As Cologne stepped up to the ladder that lead into the great duck, Shampoo following behind, the guide spoke up. "Ah! No, honored matriarch! This no hold you and Shampoo!"

Cologne smiled, and, producing a cup of cold water, dumped the contents over the young Amazons head. Where once stood a fierce, violet haired Amazon warrior now stood a purple furred ocelot. "No problem," she replied, winking.

"Ah, honored matriarch is so so smart. I often wonder why she fell in Spring of Drowned Whill." (1)

Cologne thwacked him with her staff. "I did not fall in any such spring!

Now, leave before I hit you harder!"

The purple ocelot mewed its agreement.

An airport lived in solitude beside a temple at the base of the mountain. It was a small airport, and the mountain was a small mountain, but the airport flew planes direct to Japan and was inexpensive. The security guard tended the airport's security, and he passed his days in peace and quiet and in contemplation of what exactly balsa wood might taste like, and whether it was true that the angel of death was so beautiful that upon seeing it or him or her, you fell in love and "pop" out came your soul through your eyes, until one day that a boy, a girl, and a giant panda came upon the airport and attempted to board the plane.

He immediately ceased his contemplation, and in a firm and commanding voice, spoke. "Miss, I can't allow you to bring that animal out of China!"

Ukyo, Ranma, and Genma turned to look at the security guard bearing down on them.

"Why not? Ranma here is perfectly safe," began Ukyo, earning a dirty look from the boy.

"Not the boy, Miss. The panda! Pandas are an endangered species, and China's national animal! It's is forbidden! But before I have your panda confiscated," he spoke, taking out a clipboard, "I have some questions to ask before you can leave our great People's Republic. First...are either of you female?"

"Uh, yeah, I am," replied Ukyo.

"Okay, excellent. Have you been groped, fondled, had your underwear stolen, or been otherwise sexually harassed or assaulted since you have arrived in our wonderful People's Republic?"

"Not that I can remember. Why?"

The guard smiled and put the clipboard down. "We've had some reports of a demon running loose, and we're trying to track him down. Say, is your panda cold? He's shivering."

Ranma glared towards Genma. "No, you just said the word demon. He likes to run away from danger at all times."

"Oh, yes! I forgot! Pandas are an endangered species! You are not allowed to take them out of China!"

"Very well," spoke Ranma, "I can fix that." And, with that word, he opened his backpack and removed a thermos. "Now, watch closely," he continued, as he emptied the thermos over the panda's head.

"Ungrateful boy! You were supposed to sneak be on without paying! Now how will we ever get on?"

"Hey, old man. I don't think you got anything to worry about," pronounced Ukyo, as she looked over the security guard, who now had a bit of smoke rising out of the top of his head."

"You're right. Okay, Pops. Panda time again. I've heard that the food on the plane is especially good for pandas."

Several hours later, most of the passengers on flight 059 to Tokyo would remark about the strange noises coming from the luggage section, but even more would wonder about those two laughing kids in the First Class section.

Down came the rain on the roads of the Nerima district of Tokyo as a panda and two awfully attractive young girls walked through it. One of the young ladies was holding an umbrella, and the other was sharing said object.

"Rain. I can't believe it's rained the entire time we've been back in Japan, Ranchan."

The redhead snickered. "Ucchan, we've only been back in the country for an hour. And half of that was spent getting our bags. Sometimes you just worry too much."

"Well, what if one of us gets sick? Or the flu? Or pneumonia?"

"We can go to a doctor. That's what they're for, especially now that we're out of the Chinese wilderness."

The two paused as the panda sat on its haunches looking at the street signs, and attempted to speak for the thirtieth time since they got off of the plane.

"Growf! Growf! Grrowof!" attempted the panda, pointing in the direction of a small restaurant.

"Oh, give it up, Pops. You know you're completely unintelligible in that form."

"He isn't intelligible in any form," added Ukyo under her breath.

"But you're prolly right. We'll get some food, wait out the storm, and then continue on. Tanira's Talisman. Sounds interesting," delivered Ranma, as he headed towards the door.

Inside Tanira's Talisman, the beautiful proprietress sat at the bar, her bronze skin showing through several carefully placed holes and her platinum blond hair cascading over her shoulders.

"Oh, Father, I'm bored," she began, glancing around at the empty restaurant.

"Belldandy could have done this, or any of the others. But no, I've got to sit here and wait for some stupid kid to show up. Whee. What fun."

Being the sole inhabitant of said tavern was not, in itself, a bad thing, however. Despite many claims to being older and more knowledgeable about everything in general, Urd didn't know everything, and thusly was quite grateful for the noise of the trio outside the front of her establishment.

"Look, Pops. We're stopping for food. We're tired, we're hungry. I don't mind being cold, but I hate being wet," Urd heard a woman say from outside the door.

Another woman's voice joined in. "Not to mention the fact that you stink.

Ranchan, wet panda is such a terrible smell. Old man, couldn't you have fallen in the tragically cursed Spring of Always Good Smelling Something-or-Other? Ick."

"Hey, wait," thought Urd, still listening at the door. "I thought it was supposed to be a guy and a girl, not two girls...huh, Father couldn't be wrong..."

"Growf. Gr-grrrr-growf!" replied the panda, as he pushed open the door to the tavern.

Urd groaned, as the panda walked through the door, followed by two young ladies. "Table for three, I presume? Anything to drink?"

"Um, three is fine. And hot water, please, to start," asked the taller chestnut haired girl.

A now male Ranma and human Genma slurped down Norse-Japanese cuisine with gusto, as Ukyo told the tavernmaster, apparently named Urd, about their trip. In the background, a small television reported the days news, including sightings of a strange duck shaped UFO.

"So, anyway, after the idiot got Ranchan and himself cursed, and then Ranchan did this cool blast of lightning thing, he went and tried to eat the first prize of this village of something called Chinese Amazons. Of course, they don't like it, we hightail it out of there, and then Genma tells us that he's got this surprise for us here in Japan, so we got on a plane and now we're here."

"Oh, I understand," replied Urd, clearly not understanding, which did not dissuade Ukyo from continuing.

"So now we're here, Ranchan's going to have to deal with another 'surprise', and as far as I know, we have nowhere to stay."

Urd smiled. "Well, I can fix that," she stated, taking out a business card.

"We have tons of room at this converted temple where I live. You two can stay there as long as you need, no problem."

"Really?" gushed Ukyo.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Hey, Ranchan!" yelled Ukyo towards the bar, where Genma and Ranma sat eating.

"Mrrph!" answered Ranma, looking up with noodles hanging out of his mouth.

"Urd's invited us to stay with her if we need a place to stay. Well, you and me, at least."

"That's great ---" began Ranma, before being suddenly cut off by his father.

"Ah! Very good. Unfortunately, we have an appointment now," interrupted Genma, throwing a pocketful of money down on the table. "Come along, boy! Thanks for the food."

"Thanks for the offer, Urd! We'll let you know!" shouted Ukyo, as she ran out the door.

Urd looked at the phone, which just started ringing, and sighed. "I don't even think they're going to believe this one."

There is, in the Nerima district of the city of Tokyo, a large familial estate, headed by a martial artist named Soun Tendo, Grandmaster of the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. Mr. Tendo, as some are wont to call him, has three lovely young daughters. Kasumi, the eldest, who supervises the household and the family; Nabiki, who handles the finances; and Akane, the heir to the Tendo school and an esteemed martial artist in her own right. Currently though, as the family, minus Akane, sat around the table preparing for the dinner meal, they heard a loud stomping noise near the front of the house, followed by an annoyed growl.

"I...cannot...believe...this...has...gone...on...FOR SIX MONTHS!" screamed a voice from the front.

"It seems Akane is home, Kasumi," deduced Nabiki.

"I do think you are right," Kasumi concurred.

The stomps continued to the dining room, where the suddenly stopped, revealing through the passageway a girl with long bluish black locks who was extremely angry. "You'd think he'd stop after a month. But noooooooooo, he just keeps telling them to fight on! 'We fight on! We love you, Akane!' At least some of them have the common sense to quit. Stupid boys."

Soun, however, missed the entire exchange, sitting there thinking.

"Saotome, old friend, where could you be?"

"I cannot believe that, in a five minute walk, we got splashed by a car, hit by a lady washing her sidewalk, dumped on with laundry water, rained on, and shot at by little kids with squirt guns. It's statistically impossible. It has about the same chance of occurring as if someone had the innate ability to quantum tunnel to my location from any other location on Earth, repeatedly! It just doesn't happen!" argued Ranma with no one in particular.

"Growf," agreed the panda. "Growf, growf, growf."

"Okay, we can go that way, Pops."

Ukyo spoke up. "Hey, Ranchan?"

"Yeah?"

"How come you can understand him? I've been traveling with you two for ten years, and I still can't understand a thing he growls."

"You can't? Hmmm...I'll have to think about that. It comes through clearly to me. Let me see if I can come up with something, like having him write everything down. Maybe on a signboard, with some markers or something."

Directly ahead of where the panda pointed existed the Tendo household. The inhabitants of that house had just finished calming the youngest sister down from her daily problems as the doorbell rang.

Kasumi looked up. "Oh, we have visitors!"

Jumping to his feet, Soun spoke joyfully. "Maybe it's Saotome!"

The other sisters just looked at each other. "Who?" they asked simultaneously to the departing backs of both Soun and Kasumi.

Meanwhile, at the front door, Ukyo gave the panda a nasty look. "Old man, I'm sure these people will be pleased to see a panda at their front door. But it looks like a nice place. Ranchan, are you sure that your father knows these folks?"

"Nope. Never heard of a guy named Tendo before, either," he replied, as the door opened.

"Hello, may I help..." began the young lady who opened the door. "Ah, a panda and two girls. Oh," she added, turning around to the older man who stood behind her, "Father, were you expecting a giant panda, a young lady in an okonomiyaki seller's outfit with a staff, and another young girl, dressed as, well, um...I'm sorry. What are you supposed to be? Is it Halloween?"

"I'm an inventor and a martial artist, miss," replied Ranma.

"Ah, Kasumi, I wasn't expected any of those, I'm afraid. I was hoping it would be Saotome. Does it appear that the panda is trained?"

"Oh, my, yes. He's just sitting there, calmly watching the two young ladies."

Leaning towards Ukyo, Ranma whispered "Well, they're definitely strange enough to cope with us."

Ukyo snickered quietly as Soun spoke to Kasumi once again. "Very well then.

Invite them in out of the rain."

Smiling brightly, she turned to the guests at the front door. "My apologies. Won't you please come in?"

"Kasumi? Who was at the door?" queried Nabiki as Kasumi and Soun returned to the dining room, followed by two girls and a panda.

"Ahhh! A panda! Is it bothering anyone? I'll smite it!" shouted Akane, as soon as she saw it.

"No," said Soun.

"No," added Kasumi.

"Nope," spoke the redhead stranger.

"Yeah...wait, I mean no," added the other girl.

"Oh," replied Akane as she sat back down. "Huh?'

Nabiki stood up and walked over to the two girls. Looking at Ukyo, Ranma, and the panda, she voiced the question that all the family members were wondering. "So, who might you be?"

Ukyo stepped a bit forward. "Well, that's an interesting question, honey.

Do you have any hot water?"

"Of course," replied Kasumi. "I have water ready for the tea. If you'll wait, I'll bring some out," she finished, as she walked towards the kitchen.

The strangely dressed redhead watched the eldest daughter until she entered the kitchen, and turned back to where she faced the lone man in the room. "Um...well, do you believe in magic?"

"Waaaah! My old friend Saotome has been turned into a stone garden gnome!

He's a stoned gnome! Waaaah!"

Nabiki watched as the two girls stared incredulously at her father. "Daddy! Stop crying! We don't even know who these girls are. They may not even know your friend!"

"Here you go, miss," said Kasumi as she handed the brown haired girl a kettle.

"Okay, how to explain..Ah! Hello. I am Ukyo Kounji. And these," she spoke, pointing to the other girl and the panda, "Are none other than Ranma Saotome and his moronic father, Genma."

"Father, your best friend is a panda?" asked Kasumi.

"But...but...but...Saotome always said that he had a son!"

Ranma attempted to speak up, but she was cut off by Akane. "Daddy! You're being mean." Turning to the two girls, she continued, "Hi! I'm Akane. Do you want to see the dojo?"

Ranma and Ukyo turned to each other and shrugged. Placing the kettle on the panda's head, they followed Akane out of the dining room. Under her breath so that only Ukyo could hear, Ranma muttered "Well, I've been like this off and on all day, anyway. I s'pose I can wait a bit longer."

The remaining daughters and Soun looked at the kettle-topped panda. "Well, I suppose I should go look up what pandas eat," decided Kasumi.

"No kidding," agreed Nabiki.

The panda stood up and too the kettle off of it's head. Pouring the contents over his head, the three humans watched as it turned into a middle-aged human wearing a bandanna, glasses, and a white training gi.

"It's good to see you again, Tendo," spoke Genma, as he wiped off his glasses.

Unfortunately, Soun had passed out on the floor.

"Well, I guess that's one way to cope, Daddy."

"Oh, my. You wouldn't happen to be Genma Saotome, would you?"

"Hmm? Yes, yes I am," he replied.

Nabiki kneeled down next to her father. "Get up, Daddy."

Sitting up, Soun rubbed his head. "I could have sworn that I saw that panda turn into my good friend Genma Saotome."

"You did, daddy."

Soun looked up to see Genma sitting cross legged at the table. "Saotome?"

Smiling, Genma replied "Tendo!"

"Saotome!"

"Tendo!"

"Saotome!"

"Tendo!"

"It's good to see you again!" exclaimed the two men in unison.

"You've finally come! Now the schools can be joined! But where's your son?

Kasumi, Nabiki?"

"Yes, father?"

"Daddy?"

"Saotome and I are going to talk about old times. I'll call you back when we are ready to eat again."

The two daughters left as the men began discussing old times.

"This," Akane began, spreading her arms wide as she entered the large room, "is the Tendo dojo. Dad just had it expanded and rebuilt, as he plans to start teaching again." Pointing to various objects around the room, she started describing the objects. "That's the dojo shrine," she explained, pointing at the shrine.

"Uh-huh," agreed Ranma. "It sure is."

"And that's Dad's weapon collection, and those are the practice mats, and...do you guys do any kenpo?"

"Yeah, we both do," answered Ukyo.

"Do you wanna spar?"

"Sure," spoke Ukyo. "Do you mind Ranchan?"

"Why should I? Go 'head, Ucchan."

"So, do you do Kenpo or do you only use the staff?" queried Akane.

"I use whatever's useful. I just like the staff. Makes me happy. It's up to you, Akane."

"Ucchan, you are better with the staff than anything else...but y'know, some of us are good with anythin'," smirked Ranma.

Glaring, Ukyo retorted "Shush, Ranchan."

"Okay, so how about if we do Kenpo, Ukyo?"

"That'll be fine, Akane."

Ukyo removed the staff from her back and threw it over the Ranma, falling into a loose Anything Goes stance opposite from Akane.

"Ready?" asked Ranma. "Go"

Akane charged at Ukyo, who spun out of the way and smiled. Grinning, Akane let a kick loose towards Ukyo, where she thought Ukyo was undefended. Ukyo simply leaned back out of range, and waited for the next attack.

"You're pretty good," complimented Akane.

"Not bad yourself," returned Ukyo.

"Try this."

Akane punched at Ukyo's midsection, but Ukyo grabbed Akane's fist and flipped her onto her back. "I win," she said, smiling.

"Wow, Ukyo, you're really good!" gushed Akane. "It's a good thing, though, that you and Ranma are both girls."

Ranma glanced over at Ukyo, who looked back over quickly, and with a slight blanch asked "Um...why's that, sugar?"

"Because boys are all jerks! You'll see if you two go to school with me tomorrow."

"Not all boys are jerks," spoke Ranma softly.

"Well, I haven't met more that two who aren't. Anyway, why don't you two go on back inside. I'll be right there, in a second."

As the two girls walked back inside the house, Kasumi walked over to them.

"Ukyo, Ranma, I've prepared a bath for you. "

"We don't..." started Ranma.

"There's no need..." began Ukyo.

Kasumi smiled again. "You're sweaty, Ukyo, and both of you came in wet and dirty. Bath, now!"

In the dining room, the two men continued kneeling, tears in their eyes.

"Tendo, how have you been?"

"Fine, just fine, Saotome! How has your trip gone?"

"Quite well, Tendo. Both Ranma and the girl are skilled in the art. But recently, a terrible tragedy has befallen us!"

"I saw. I had hoped you had a son!"

"I do, Tendo, I do. On our training journey, we ended up at the training grounds of Jusenkyo."

"The cursed grounds?"

"The very same. All of us fell in. The curse is such that we are forced to take the shape of whatever drowned in that pool many many years ago."

"So then...Saotome, you turn into a panda, I presume?"

Genma nodded.

"And the curses are activated by differing temperatures of water?"

Genma nodded again.

"Hmm...well then, what does Ranma turn into?"

"A girl."

"Oh, that's nice," commented Soun as he thought about the entire situation.

Eyes opening wide, he leaned in conspiratorially. "So...wait...Ranma is a boy!"

"Yes, Tendo."

"The schools can be mprh mrrrph!" Soun added, as Genma clamped down his hand over Soun's mouth.

"Quiet, Tendo. The boy doesn't know...and besides, he's kind of strange."

Soun's smiled drooped. "You mean, Saotome, that he doesn't like...he isn't interested...he likes other men?"

Genma chuckled. "Nothing like that, Tendo. No, he's got some strange powers. He's always had this special sense of danger and people and he can make all sorts of weird electronic stuff. And you saw the way he dresses, with the boots and the coat and the black jeans and the red shirt."

"So what's wrong?"

"Well, after he fell into the spring, he blasted me with some sort of energy."

"He can control his ki?"

"A bit, but this was far different than that. This was something else entirely. But it scares me, Tendo. Not as much as you know who, but nonetheless..."

"Yes?"

"I think we should hold off on telling the children. I can't tell how the boy would react."

"But Saotome!"

"Tendo, this is for our own safety. If we let them get used to each other, it will also be that much easier."

"Very well, we'll try it your way, Saotome."

"Now, Tendo, tell me about your family. They're all grown up..."

(End Fit the Third)


	7. Interlude the Second: Rockville

To FF . Net Readers: This story is dead, but I welcome anyone who would be interested in continuing it. For a time, I had very good reviews and very good thoughts about this, but I don't write fan fiction anymore. However, I felt that this was worth sharing, and I've still never seen another story like it.

**THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER I HAVE WRITTEN. PLEASE CONTACT ME IF YOU WISH TO CONTINUE THIS STORY. THANK YOU.**

-patchmonkey

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, Aa! Megami-sama, and associated properties are used in a derivative work without permission. Scenes a faire, character placement and wording, changes in personality, and specific situations as they differ from any extant work are non-infringing uses and are held with rights reserved to this author. Republishing of this work, without permission from the original authors or the derivative author is strictly prohibited.

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Getting Home Wednesday

Interlude 2: Rockville

"Do you hear me? Do you care?"

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The youngest of three sat at her computer, her soft features outlined by the glow of the monitor in the darkness. Her hands moved swiftly as she began to write in her journal, the one that she had encrypted so her older sister couldn't read it.

-Journal Entry 0104/53 -

Trite as though it may be, journal, it is a dark and stormy night. The storms started before dinner, after I finished sparring with Ranma and Ukyo. They're in the furo now - Kasumi told them they needed a bath, and I probably need one too...maybe I'll join them soon. They're both really nice girls, but Ranma seems to be very shy, and she seemed really hurt when I said that I thought all boys are jerks. Hmm, maybe she has a boyfriend...or she was forced to leave someone behind before she came here, and she wants to join back with him someday! That's so romantic...

Anyway, before they came, Daddy was going to tell us something, but they showed up with this large panda that turned into their father - Daddy fainted. And he was getting so much better too, it was a shame. But maybe Uncle Genma can help Daddy, they seemed to be very good friends.

Oh! Yeah...Ukyo is really good, but even she defers to Ranma...I wonder how good Ranma is then, she seemed to be really sure of herself, even though she dresses a little strange. She said that she's "an inventor and a martial artist", and you can tell...she dresses a little bit like one of those people in those video games with the chocobos (I think that's what they're called, Sayuri likes them a lot).

Anyway, that's in for now, journal. I hear Kasumi telling me to take a bath, and I think I need one.

-End -

-ROT13 Encryption Complete. -

The youngest of three sat at her computer, her soft features outlined by the glow of the monitor in the darkness. Her hands moved swiftly as she began to write in her daily log, the one that she had encrypted so her older sister couldn't read it. Not that her older sister would be able to read it anyway. She'd made her own language just to make sure.

-Log, Period 43256.6 -

The old hag ran off today after Father called yesterday. Something about a new power in town, and that it was my fault. She called me a kid...I'm not a kid! I asked big sister about it, and she said every promise made by a goddess carries weight, even those made in haste or when we're too young in our cycles to understand.

I'm not sure, but this sounds like something big, and I'm not powerful enough yet to really be able to tell...it sucks, being goddess of the future but not being able to do anything with it.

Keiichi is being a lot nicer lately...ever since hes gotten that new job, he's been buying me parts for building things, but I think he's hiding something. After that phone call a few days ago, both he and Belldandy are acting strangely. Hmph! I'll just have to find out what's going on.

Hmm...oh! I added a new defense system to Banpei. He's now got a stun ray, which Belldandy likes a lot more than the old system, which simply launched intruders into Godanno Park.

I think I'm gonna do some snooping now...hehehe.

-End Log -

-Positronic/Fractal encryption and recoding process complete. -

-File stored. -


End file.
